He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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