Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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