did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
