I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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