if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
