sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
