There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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