My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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