i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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