found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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