Non-Jews are for practice
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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