I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize