just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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