she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
