I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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