I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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