I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
