apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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