How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just sent this text using only my big toe
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
