But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
