Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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