Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
