He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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