I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
