Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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