YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
