ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize