yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
