I wish I only lived at night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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