my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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