I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
