in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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