it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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