Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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