saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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