either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
