I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you still have your period?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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