IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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