meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
