also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
