I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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