Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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