just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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