he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
