when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
