the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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