I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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