My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize