I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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