I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We have so much sex to catch up on
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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