I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
