You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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