I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
