so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize