Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
