I wish I could teleport
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
