So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
