So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize